Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
