do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
