Soap is not a condiment
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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