R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
