I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
