Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Welp...herpes.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
