just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
they call him Oral-B. enough said
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
