you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
