If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize