areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
