I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I can't put those talents on a resume
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
