If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Randomize
