It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
