How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
