Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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