I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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