I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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