I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
