i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
