you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
