hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
