I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
