Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
