i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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