Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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