whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Randomize
