You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
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