toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
