..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
