i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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