Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
