I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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