I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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