Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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