i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
