if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Randomize
