no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Randomize
