he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
