addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
the condom got lost in my hair
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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