Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
