I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
