Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
