It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I fill condoms, not promises.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
