I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
