He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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