just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
