I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
