did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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