$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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