fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
